forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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