C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
