sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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