a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
