you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
