for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
