I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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