I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
