Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
