I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
