My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
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