There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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