her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just blew my weed a kiss
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
