six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
