my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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