That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
