The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
