i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
