Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
