i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
