The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
