dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
