The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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