I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
