The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
