Can Purell be used as lube?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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