Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
