I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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