so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
