nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
