And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
