They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
