Where is the hickey?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
