yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
