Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
