id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
