just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
