TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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