Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
