People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
