Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
