It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i out mim tonsoeep
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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