dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
