Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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