Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
A bitchslap is in order.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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