I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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