Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
