Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.

(615): View more from Tennessee

Heaven soaked bacon.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it

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(706): View more from Georgia

I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.

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(240): View more from Maryland

i think i left a case of beer in your dryer

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today

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(530): View more from California

My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.

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(937): View more from Ohio

I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.

(951): View more from California

You're going to scar your kids

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!

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