I just made out with a guy for $7.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
