what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
