could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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