cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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