so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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