It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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