Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
