i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
